Dearest Readers,
This past weekend saw a flurry of activity on the lawn of city hall. Our own Mayor, Martin Suckle, hosted a swan roast to raise money for the completion of a children's petting zoo in the downtown area. Those in attendance claimed they had never seen such a gigantic swan in their lives. Some found the effect disturbing. "It was as if a little man in a swan outfit was being cooked slowly for maximum flavor" noted one very, very elderly gentleman. "He was juicy and delicious," he added late the next day.
Amongst those in attendance were singer/songwriter Fluff, who kicked off the proceedings with a ballad about how children should not trust their own instincts in public. He followed that with a 20 minute diatribe about how difficult and emotional it is to write and perform music, afterwhich he could not stop crying and had to be carried away by a woman police officer. He was not charged with any crime.
On the whole, Mayor Martin Suckle said he was pleased with the event's success. "We had such an incredible turnout here today," he mumbled in frustration, "and we forgot to charge admission."